Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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