Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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