come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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