Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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