we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
