what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My ATM looks so different sober.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
