I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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