My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
