Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
