fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
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I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
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I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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