Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
