Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
