oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
