You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
