He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
