At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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