Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
