Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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