what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
