I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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