i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
