so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize