If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
