we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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