would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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