Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She's just so happy...and so naked.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Someone came in the potted fern
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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