after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
