Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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