I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
