i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
