If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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