My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
