What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
