My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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