I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Your dad touched me again.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
