last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
