does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
