we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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