he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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