White coat. Heels.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
