I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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