I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
