Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
