That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
