I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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