I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
