im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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