Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
