i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
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Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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