Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
