saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
