I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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