Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
