so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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