She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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