i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
