dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
