Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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