from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
