We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
