if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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