kristin has been a bad kristin
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
