She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
