Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
