Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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