grandma shit on top of the toilet
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
