every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
