i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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