my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's rum buckets o'clock
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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