He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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