he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
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walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
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I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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