I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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