And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
