I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
