Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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