Buhtt sex?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
