haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm always down for nudity.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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