The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
worst night to have a conscience
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
