k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
